|
WWF RAW
The Raw music video plays, the pyro explode, and we are LIVE from Norfolk, Virginia, six days away from SummerSlam. Tonight, The Rock will take on Triple H, but first...
The arena goes red, and the American Badass rides to the ring. He takes a microphone, and says that he's never been one to make his political opinions public. He may not be the poster child for the All-American boy, but just like his country, he doesn't take any shit. That's why he's proud to be a man, and proud to be an American.
Only in America can a man like him be a man like him. If he wants to be a tatooed fire-breathing dragon, he can do it. He can do what he wants and say what he wants as long as he can back it up with his fists. These are the freedoms we enjoy in America, but they come with a price. There are a lot of good men and women who fought and died to give him those rights, and because of that, he has a deep respect for them. It is because of that respect that he has a problem with people who come into our country and abuse our freedoms. He's talking about people who aren't even citizens of the United States: The UnAmericans, especially Test.
He isn't afraid to pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. He's also not afraid to take Test and make an example of him, not just for the fans, but for people around the world. He's going to show everyone what happens when you screw with America. He may not be the all-American boy, but he is the American Badass.
Taker's music hits again, but Test comes out on a sportbike with the upside-down flag stuck to the back. Test gets in the ring and gets right in the Undertaker's face. He takes the mic from Taker and says that he thought it was just America that sucked. But now that he's standing here, he realizes that Taker does too.
With this, Taker cracks Test across the face with a right hand and starts beating him down. Christian and Storm hit the ring and attempt to triple-team Taker, but Booker T and Goldust run down and clear the ring of the UnAmericans.
As the UnAmericans back up the ramp, Booker stops them and says that they aren't through. Everyone knows that SummerSlam is Sunday night, but the way he sees it, they might as well start tonight. How about a little six-man tag, if they can dig it.
As we return, Jeff Hardy is coming down the ramp, but already in the ring are Terri, Bradshaw, BuhBuh,
Bischoff comes out and says that he called them out to tell them that the 24/7 rule is history. Everyone in the ring is a previous Hardcore Champion, including Terri. So whoever is Champion at the end of the next six minutes will be the final 24/7 Champion.
Six-Minute Hardcore Battle Royal
The bell rings, and chaos ensues. Terri immediately runs away. Tommy Dreamer kicks Stasiak away, but Bradshaw clotheslines Tommy down 1-2-3! Bradshaw is Champion.
All the men immediately begin beating Bradshaw down and knock him out of the ring, but here Bradshaw gets a cookie sheet and knocks out people like Steven Richards and Stasiak. In the ring, Tommy Dreamer takes out Spike and BuhBuh, while Bradshaw nails people with an actual kitchen sink. Tommy Dreamer gets Bradshaw's rope and chokes Crash Holly with it on the apron. Meanwhile, as Bradshaw sets up Stasiak for a powerbomb, Ricahrds hits him with a StevieKick. Dreamer lets go of Crash, who falls off teh apron and onto Bradshaw 1-2-3! Crash is Champion.
Lots of action across the ring, including Jeff Hardy leaping over the ropes to take out Johnny the Bull. In the ring, BuhBuh puts Crash through a table, but Tommy takes him out with the cane and pins Crash 1-2-3! Tommy Dreamer is Champion.
Everyone begins attacking Dreamer, but no one can get more than a two count because of broken pins. Bradshaw tosses Spike out of the ring, leaving only BuhBuh, Dreamer and himself in the ring. Bradshaw puts Dreamer up top, but BuhBuh low blows Bradshaw and powerbombs him. More broken pins. Bradshaw hits BuhBuh with a cooke tray, who falls on Tommy 1-2-broken by Bradshaw. Spike attempts a pin, but it is broken up. The clock is now under fifteen seconds. BuhBuh hits Dreamer with the cookie tray, but can't get the pin. The clock hits 0:00, with no one being able to get a full three count, so Tommy Dreamer will remain Champion.
As Tommy is proclaimed Champion, the fires of hell explode, and we are treated to another Kane video, this one referencing a dance with his mistress, and ending with the phrase "My Path is Chosen"
In the back, Stacy and Trish argue over which one of them is more of the trampy, boss-loving one. Bischoff comes in and says that no one really cares about women's wrestling. They do, however, like T&A. So tonight, they will have a bra and panties match in the mud. They better go get dressed, or undressed rather, because they're next.
Bra & Panties Mud Match
-Stacy Keibler vs. Trish Stratus
Trish comes out and disrobes, but when she turns to go down the ramp, Stacy is there to toss her off the stage and onto the pool of mud.
The two women become completely covered in mud with their bare ass and breasts Popping out. Trish starts spanking Stacy's tight ass. Stacy returns the favor by attempting to drown Trish. Trish hits a muddy DDT, then chops away, knocking Stacy out of the pool. Trish follows her and rolls her up 1-2-3!
After the match, Fink goes to help Stacy up, so Trish pushes them both back into the pool of mud. Stacy, so upset from the loss, takes out her frustrations on Howard.
In the back, Rock enters the ring when a worker runs up and tells him that a package came for him from Paul Heyman. Rock asks what it could be? Viagra, Rogaine, Twinkies? Ass Fetish Weekly?
Then Rock realizes it is from Paul Heyman and not to Paul Heyman. Rock introduces himself to the worker, and his leg starts shaking. She stares, and the Rock says it has a mind of its own and starts rubbing his crotch. The woman walks off and Rock opens his package to find glossy photos of the beating Brock gave to Hulk Hogan.
Triple H comes to the ring, once again sporting the summer casual wardrobe, except he has chosen to accessorize with a clipboard.
Nine times out of ten what takes place in the ring is strictly business. That's the way he does it. It's all about business, except for this time. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H? It's personal, very personal. But as much as he wants to fight Shawn at SummerSlam, unless Shawn finishes up the paperwork, there won't be a match. He sent these papers to Shawn, but he hasn't gotten a single one of them signed. And until they're finished, there won't be a match.
You see, these papers hold him harmless. They say that when, not if, Triple H leaves Shawn in a bloodied mess in the ring and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he can not be held legally responsable. In short, he can do whatever he wants to Shawn without fear. So if Shawn wants his chance to shine, he had better sign the papers.
Tonight, he knows Shawn is watching, and he knows Brock Lesnar is watching as well. He's sure Brock is watching with great anticipation, waiting to see the two greatest franchise players in the industry go up against each other. Tonight it is Triple H and the Rock, The Game and the Great One. But the Title is not on the line. But you know what is? The Rock's ass, and that's what entices Brock. Moments ago, Bischoff made this a No DQ match. Triple H is going to send Shawn Michaels a message through the Rock. He will beat all but *that* much out of the Rock. He will leave just a little bit for Brock Lesnar. And so when Brock shows up on next week's Raw as the new Undisputed Champion, he should know one thing: Triple H is waiting. Tonight, Brock and Shawn need to watch, but if he were Shawn, he wouldn't let his wife or kid watch.
The Y2J Countdown hits 0.00 and the Ayatollah, the Living Legend, Chris Jericho comes out on the stage. Jericho says he's sorry for interrupting Triple H's speech, saying it must not feel very good. Trips says it doesn't feel too good, but it feels better than getting your ass kicked at WrestleMania. Jericho feigns laughter, saying it must be Hunter Hearst Hilarious.
Jericho says he came out here to of all things, agree with Triple H. They share an intense hatred for each other. They're both going into SummerSlam to face opponents who are just washed-up old has-beens. In fact, they're almost exactly alike, except that Jericho has a lot more talent, and he'll prove it when his band Fozzy plays live tonight.
Actually, maybe they don't have much in common. Jericho has a much easier opponent at SummerSlam. Flair has one-tenth of Jericho's talent, one-tenth of his charisma, and one-tenth of his legendary status. At SummerSlam, it's going to be Flair, the washed-up loser, against Jericho, the Undisputed King of the World!
With this, Flair comes out with a garbage can, which he empties out, nails Jericho in the head with, and the puts over Y2J's body. Flair then pushes Jericho down and watches as he starts to roll down the ramp. Flair says it's only fitting, for all the trash Jericho is talking.
The Undertaker, Booker T, Goldust vs. The UnAmericans
As the UnAmericans come to the ring, their American opponents leave the ring and come out to attack them.
The match starts with Taker beating Christian in the corner, then hitting a tilt-a-whirl slam 1-2-broken by Test. Tag to Booker T. Booker hits a forearm, then a flapjack 1-2-shoulder up. Tag to Storm.
Booker hits Storm with a hiptoss and a reverse thrust kick, then takes Christian and Test off the apron. Storm tosses Booker to the outside, where Test clubs him down and whips him into the stairs.
After some confusion, Christian tags in and stomps away on Booker. Clubs to the face, followed with a blatant choke. Stomps by Christian, then a tag to Test.
Test clotheslines Booker in the corner, but Booker catches him with a back elbow, only to run into a Full Nelson Slam 1-2-broken by Taker.
Test applies a sleeper, but Booker breaks the hold, only to run into a knee. Booker flouts out of the pump-handle, then nails Test with a jumping calf kick. Tag to Christian and Goldust.
Goldust takes down Christian with an atomic drop, then hits Storm with a hiptoss. Goludst punches Christian into the corner, then sets him for Shattered Dreams. Storm tries to stop him, but Taker comes in and tosses Storm from the ring. As Taker distracts the ref, Goldust hits Christian with Shattered Dreams, but then turns into Test's Big Boot.
Taker boots Test out of the ring and then chokeslams Storm, but Test pulls him out. As Taker and Test battle up the ramp, Booker grabs Christian, but then turns and hits Storm with the scissors kick. Christian takes Booker out, but Goldust grabs him for the Curtain Call. Goldust stops and uppercuts Storm. When he turns back to Christian, Christian nails him with the Tag Title belt and pins 1-2-3!
In the back, Bischoff tells RVD that he has the chance at SummerSlam to take the Intercontinental Title from Benoit and Smackdown and bring it back to Raw. Big Show comes up and asks why RVD gets the IC Titleshot. RVD says it's because he's a tool. Show says he's 7'4 and 500 pounds; he's a giant. RVD counters and says that it just makes him a giant tool. Bischoff says that he can not risk RVD even breaking a sweat. Van Dam says he could use the match to loosen up. Bischoff accepts, but tells him that the Titleshot isn't on the line, and the match had better be completely clean.
In the back, Terri asks Ric Flair what that big announcement he was going to make was. Flair says that whatever it was has been put on hold because Jericho. As Flair talks about walking down the aisle one more time, he gets hit with a trashcan and Jericho appears, ramming Flair into the interview set. Jericho screams at the bloodied Flair how it feels to embarass him.
Rob Van Dam vs. Big Show
RVD begins by kicking away at Show's shins, then hitting a low dropkick to the knee. Van Dam goes up top and hits the flying spinkick. He goes for a monkey toss, but Show grabs him and flapjacks him onto the turnbuckles.
Outside, Show misses RVd and knees the stairs. Van Dam goes on the apron and hits a spinning heel kick. Show grabs RVD and tosses him into the barrier, then bearhugs him and rams him into the ringpost. Show grabs the stairs and brings them into the ring. He locks in a choke, but Van Dam kicks it away and starts shoulder thrusting Show. Again Show grabs him and hits the ShowStopper. Show then picks up the stairs and lifts them over Van Dam.
Bischoff runs out and yells what the hell Show thinks he's doing. He makes the three-minutes reference, and the Islan Boyz enter, taking Show down and hitting a double elbow drop. Then while one holds Show down with the stairs, the other goes up top and hits the flying splash.
In the back, Coach asks Rock about the match becoming No DQ. Rock says he and Triple H go way back. He's beaten the Rock before, but Rock has beaten him even more. They go back to the nursery, when Baby Triple H would say that his diaper was that damn wet and Baby Rock would stick his rattle up with saggy-diaper wearing ass. Back to colonial days when George Rockinton went to Benedict Helmsley and said "I can not tell a lie: you are a monkey's anus," and stuck the Constitution up his ass. Back to caveman days, when Caveman Triple H said "Fire Good" and Caveman Rock said "Club turned sideways stuck straight up your candy ass even better"
Coach says that Paul Heyman sent a video that he wanted Rock to see. Rock says it's probably that walrus Heyman naked on the beach and that's why Coach wants to see it. The video is played, of all the times Lesnar has planted people with the F5. Coach says that there's a rumor that Heyman and Lesnar are here tonight, but it's just a rumor. Rock says he only deals with facts. Fact: Rock is the Undisputed Champion. Fact: Rock told Lesnar to just bring it, and Lesnar has brought nothing. And until Lesnar brings something, he will not be the Next Big Thing, but the Next Big Bitch. Fact: Just Bring It, if ya smell what he's cookin.
In the back, Bischoff tells Triple H that Michaels faxed the papers over. The release is granted. Bischoff says that even with the release, he's still responsable. Who will Vince go to when the WWE gets sued instead of Triple H? Bischoff. And so he's not going to sanction the match. As far as the WWE goes, formally, the match will not go on. Trips says that it will go on, sanctioned or not.
On the stage, the strobes hit and Fozzy begins to rock out. After the song, Jericho gets upset at the lack of applause and claims Norfolk sucks anyway. Flair runs out and starts smashing guitars and equipment, breaking microphones and amps while Jericho, now in the ring, looks on in anger. Flair takes the broken guitar and runs to the ring, causing Jericho to jump the barrier and escape through the crowd.
In the back, Rock's phone rings, but he is too busy to answer it. In the arena, we see that Brock and Heyman are coming to their seats, and Heyman is on the phone. He says that he's on the People's Voicemail, so he might as well tell him that he and Lesnar have a strong interest in the match tonight, so they'll see him in a moment.
No DQ
-The Rock vs. Triple H
As we come back, Bischoff and a group of security are telling Lesnar and Heyman that if they even think about interfering in this match, they'll be thrown out.
Rock and Triple H make their respective entrances, both aware of Lesnar's presence. They go nose-to-nose, but when Rock begins trash talking, it is Triple H who gives the "just bring it" hand motion. Rock does just this, attacking Trips and clotheslining him down, then taking him down with an elbow. Punches in the corner by Rock, who then tosses Trips over the top and to the outside.
On the outside, Rock again clotheslines Triple H down, but the Game comes back and drops Rock's elbow on the barrier. Back in the ring, Trips catches Rock with a low knee, then starts stomping away.
Rock starts fighting back, but Trips stops him with a knee and thrusts the shoulder in the corner. Low punch in the gut by Triple H that brings Rock down. Trips locks in an abdominal stretch but Rock breaks it and starts throwing right hands. Triple H pokes him in the eyes and then both men clothesline each other down.
Rock starts laying the smack down, hitting an overhead belly to belly after a flurry of punches 1-2-shoulder up. Spinebuster by Rock, who tosses the elbow pad and hits the People's Elbow 1-2-shoulder up!
Triple H low blows Rock and tosses him out of the ring. Rock stumbles around while Triple H gets the stairs and rams them into Rock's face. Trips rolls Rock back into the ring and then goes and pulls out his trusty sledgehammer.
At the same time, Lesnar jumps the barrier, causing all security to turn towards him. Triple H tosses Hebner out of the ring and readies to hit Rock, when Shawn Michaels rushes the ring and knocks the sledgehammer out of his hands! Michaels knocks Lesnar off the apron, but Triple H clotheslines him down.
Rock attacks Triple H and they battle into the corner while Lesnar runs in the ring, only to be Superkicked back out by HBK! Rock takes Triple H out and then gets on the turnbuckle to call for Lesnar to come back into the ring. Lesnar keeps walking through the crowd, so Rock jumps the barrier and chases after him.
Meanwhile, the security guards help Triple H up off the floor. Michaels runs and leaps over the ropes, taking out The Game and the security guards. He attacks him up the ramp and then Superkicks him back down
|
|
WWF SMACKDOWN
Paul Heyman and Brock lesnar come to the ring. Heyman gets on the mic and talks about Lesnar destroying Hulk Hogan on Smackdown last week. Footage is showed from last week as well. lesnar gets on the mic. Lesnar says he will end Rock's title reign at SummerSlam. Rikishi walks down to the ring. Heyman tells Rikishi to stop right there. Heyman will not let Lesnar fight Rikishi until later tonight. Rikishi says he will back that ass up and make Heyman kiss his fat ass. Lesnar steps up and Rikishi asks if he wants a piece of him. The two start fighting. Rikishi sends Lesnar out of the ring. Lesnar pulls Heyman out before he can receive the stinkface. Lesnar and Heyman leave to the back.
Billy, Chuck, and Rico beat Shannon Moore, The Hurricane, and Hardcore Holly via Billy's sidewalk slam on Moore. After the match Matt Hardy came out to help Holly, Moore, and Hurricane clear the ring.
Backstage, Dawn Marie apologizes to Stephanie. Stephanie says the papers were RVD's contract. RVD never read them and didn't know he had a rematch. Stephanie had plans to shred the papers to keep the IC title at Smackdown. But now Dawn screwed it up because Benoit has to defend his IC title at SummerSlam against RVD. Stephanie tells dawn if she ever screws up again she will be fired. Stephanie orders Dawn to bring Benoit to her.
Edge is shown arriving to the arena.
Backstage, Matt Hardy tells Hurricane, Moore, and Holly that it is good to see them again. Matt seemed to be full of himself in the segment which led to Holly and company rolling their eyes when Matt left.
Backstage, Benoit enters Stephanie's office. Stephanie says the main event tonight will be Benoit vs The Rock.
Backstage, Marc Loyd interviews Kurt Angle. Loyd says he has some interview competition now that Funaki is a new interviewer. Rey Mysterio walks up and challenges Angle to a match at SummerSlam. Angle accepts. Mysterio leaves. Mark Henry walks up and calls Angle a little man. Angle challenges Henry to a match for tonight. Henry accepts.
Kurt Angle beat Mark Henry via ankle lock. Mysterio came in and sent Angle out of the ring.
A generic Subway commercial is shown with Eric Bischoff plugging the food and this Monday's Raw.
Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman beat Rikishi via F5. Rikishi was able to get the stinkface on Heyman before he received the F5.
Torrie Wilson is shown in the back stretching.
Backstage, Funaki interviews Nidia. Funaki gets Nidia's thoughts on her upcoming match tonight with Torrie Wilson. Instead of giving her thoughts she talks about how big her breasts and ass are. Just as Nidia was about to place Funaki's hand on her breast, Dvon gets thrown through a door by Batista.
Nidia w/ Jamie Noble beat Torrie Wilson w/ Billy Kidman via Noble clothesline on Torrie which allowed Nidia to get the pin.
Backstage, Eddie and Chavo are on a cellphone talking to their grandmother. Eddie and Chavo talk about what they will do in their match tonight against Mysterio and Edge.
Edge and Rey Mysterio beat Eddie and Chavo Guerrero via DQ when Angle came down and put the ankle lock on Mysterio. Edge sent Angle out of the ring with a spear.
Backstage, Marc Loyd interviews The Rock. Loyd tells Rock that Benoit said he would make Rock squeal tonight. Rock said he doesn't know what squeal means. Rock tells Loyd to bend over. Rock calls Loyd a sick freak and tells him to leave. Rock said there is no way in hell he will tap out twice to Benoit. In several different foreign languages, Rock tells Lesnar to just bring it. Rock leaves. Lesnar is shown off to the side watching.
The Rock beat Chris Benoit via rock bottom. Lesnar came down and stared at Rock during the final minutes.
|
|
|
